The Inevitable Road Trip
by kakashidiot
Summary: EDITED! How did the Sanzoikkou end up driving east in Jiipu? Escapades on trains, planes, buses, balloons, and more! Rated for language. RandR!
1. Prologue: How It All Began

**The Inevitable Road Trip**

**Prologue**

Once outside the Sanbutshushin audience room………..

Sanzo grunted.

"Damn. There goes my solitary holiday plans."

"S-s-s-sir?" asked a priest, timidly.

"Never mind."

Walking back to Chang' An and his constricting rooms, Sanzo pondered the upcoming mission.

_Heh. There's no way in hell I'm going to spend more time than necessary with those idiots._

…………

_Didn't I say that I would never go on a road trip with these losers?_

_Fate isn't cruel. It's sick._

…………

_Tch._

_Who did I piss off up there?_

* * *

"UP THERE"

"Well, Jirochin, everything is going perfectly according to my perfect plan!"

"It IS amazing!" Jirochin agreed with disbelief.

"It'll provide some fun for us up here, while getting things done down there…." The Kannon went on. "Want to lay some bets on my rag-tag team?"

"We shouldn't – "

"Yes! Opening a book on it would be great!"

"Errrrrrrr……."

"What fun! This is sooooooo exciting!"

"What WOULD we be betting on?" asked Jirochin, sweating at the thought of a betting book circulating paradise.

"Hmmmmmm…… things like…… how many youkai will Goku kill in a day…. Or……. Whether Konzen will ever turn youkai…. Or…..how many women Kenren will lay in a given night…. Or….. Whether Tenpou will ever get Kenren in HIS bed….."

"Ahhhhhh!" Jirochin drops a sweat bead at the thought of such impropriety. "Is that such a good idea? Think of what gambling would encourage – "(he caught a glimpse of Kanzeon Bosatsu's face) "…. The trip won't last that long either……"

FAMOUS LAST WORDS


	2. Option One: On a High or Not!

**Here goes: and with a disclaimer - this is not the author's original story, but her original character... ahhh to be her! Read and review!

* * *

**

The Inevitable Road Trip

**Airplane**

"Goku?"

"Yeah?"

"Gojyo?"

"Yeah?"

"Hakkai?"

"Present."

"We go…."

Dramatic pause and pointing….

"…. To the west!"

* * *

"Right!" Hakkai said, turning his back to find his way off of the mountain. "I'll go and book Gojyo's and my flight right away… it'll take sometime getting the passports and everything set up –" 

"Not to mention, finding someone to baby-sit Jiipu," smirked Gojyo.

"– but maybe in a couple of week's time, we could head out….." Hakkai said calmly, already making mental lists of things to do and pack.

* * *

**"UP THERE"**

"Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaat!" (Kanzeon Bosatsu)

"Now, now." (Jirochin)

* * *

"You go do that, Hakkai, I'll be off to say goodbye to all of my friends." Gojyo leered. 

Hakkai sighed and continued to smile.

"Oh my."

He suddenly started to make mental lists for Gojyo's things to do and pack.

_

* * *

That shit-head! If I didn't love him so much, I'd shove his suitcases up his ass! _

* * *

"Ch." Sanzo mumbled. 

Goku jumped up. "Whhhaaat! You perverted kappa! You gotta get your own self ready! Friends, my ass!" He yelled.

"Like you should talk, bakasaru! You probably don't even know how to pack a suitcase!" Gojyo retorted.

"Yeah, I do!"

"Oh yeah? Then show me!"

"Oh yeah! I'll show you!"

"URUSAI!" bellowed Sanzo, hitting them both with this fan. "Both of you! Get packing!"

* * *

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

"Well! Now we are ready!" Hakkai smiled with relief.

Gojyo was looking half way between excited and depressed.

Sanzo looked beat and ticked. After Goku had finished 'packing', Sanzo realized they had too much luggage. Opening up Goku's cases had revealed everything from 'pet rocks' to small animals to stolen books to food. By the time he had dealt with Goku, his patience, already worn thin, snapped when Gojyo went into hysterics at the sight of his passport photo.

They were calmed down by Hakkai and some green tea.

"I look like a criminal!" wailed Gojyo.

"No! No! You don't!" Hakkai said soothingly, pouring Gojyo some tea with Valerian in it. "You always look good. You look like most people do in THEIR passport photos."

_

* * *

Good diplomacy, though Sanzo, cynically. _

* * *

"I look WORSE!" 

"Ch. Only an idiot cares about that –"

"What if the border guard is a hot chick?"

"Who cares what she thinks?"

"Who knows if there is an attractive female border guard?" pointed out Hakkai.

Sanzo and Gojyo ignored him.

"Who cares what a border guard thinks?"

"You'd say that – you're homo, priesty boy," jeered Gojyo.

"What'd you say?" Sanzo asked in a dangerous tone, flicking his guns safety catch to 'on'.

"Well, look at your own!"

Goku spilled out their new passports from the brown envelope.

Gojyo waved his dramatically, crying streams.

"Wow! You look like a mean bitch!" Goku said, sniggering. "No difference, really."

"WHAT! Like you look any better! You look like an infant!"

"Oh yeah? Well, you look like a girl with a bad hair day! Perverted kappa!"

"Oh yeah? Well, you look like a baby monkey with a head band! Bakasaru!"

"URUSAI!" bellowed Sanzo, shooting his banishing gun at them.

There was a deep silence.

"Well, it's normal for people to look a little odd in these types of photos. After all, they don't delete noise or add glow or anything." Hakkai said, trying to conciliate the irate guys.

"Hmph. You're right. Sanzo looks awful!" said Gojyo, peering at the photo.

"Hehehehehe!" laughed Goku.

"It was a bad day!" snapped Sanzo. "It rained on the way there."

"Obviously! You look like a drowned rat."

Sanzo pulled out his fan and whacked Gojyo.

"I do not look like a rat!"

"Now, now…." Hakkai said, shielding Gojyo with a placating face and gesture.

Goku picked up Hakkai's passport. His eyes widened.

"What the hell?" he squeaked.

"Watch your mouth, damn saru!" barked Sanzo, leaning forward to hit Goku (and therefore sneak a surreptitious peak). He froze.

"What does Hakkai look like?" asked Gojyo.

He strolled over, paused, and then whistled.

"Hakkai! I didn't know you were such a looker in photos!"

Hakkai blushed.

Gojyo paused, mental gears slowly shifting.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? Why don't I look like a model? I'm the straight guy here!"

"Excuse me?" asked Hakkai and Sanzo in dangerous tones.

Sanzo whipped out his gun.

Hakkai raised an eyebrow

Both looked dangerous.

Gojyo backpedaled.

"All I'm saying is that this guy tarted up Hakkai's photo and none of ours," grumbled Gojyo. "Look, he took the glare off the monocle and added a soft glow and gave it better lighting and everything…. WHY?"

" 'Cause you're ugly?" asked Goku.

"Obvious…… " Sanzo grunted, as he sat back and opened his newspaper and started to read the classifieds. (You never knew what kind of bargain you could get….)

"What?"

"Didn't you see how the photographer was obviously ogling Hakkai? He was gay – I'm sure of it…. He was panting after Hakkai like a rutting stallion."

"WHAT? WHY DIDN"T I NOTICE THIS? Hakkai?"

"Uhhh…. What does ogling mean?" Goku asked.

"Ahhhhh…. I'm sorry….. I'm sure Sanzo is exaggerating. Aha haha!" Hakkai laughed sheepishly, blushing and rubbing the back of his head.

He shrugged. "Perhaps the subject matter inspired him…."

"The fuck it did!"

"Language, shit head kappa!"

* * *

Of course, just getting the passport was troublesome enough. 

"Saaanzo! I'm bored! I'm hungry!"

For five hours, they had stood in line at the local government house. It had turned out that a birth certificate was required to get a passport.

Problem: How to get one for Goku?

They finally got to a kiosk.

"Name?" asked an annoyed clerk.

"His name is Son Goku."

"Shawn Golkyou."

"No! It's Son Goku!" Goku said.

"Sun Gukku."

"No. It's S-O-N G-O-K-U." Sanzo said in deliberately slow syllables.

"Date of birth?" the ignorant and annoyed clerk asked.

"Uhhhhhhhh……" Sanzo thought hard….. "I can't say. He's around five hundred years old. Write five hundred. It's the best."

"Riiiiighhht," said the annoying, ignorant clerk with a nasal voice. "Like I'm supposed to believe that?"

'Do I look crazed to you?" yelled Sanzo, foaming at the mouth and trying to pull his weapon out.

"Saaaanzo!" whispered Goku. "Don't shoot him! I won't be able to get my passport if we go to jail!"

"He's the one who ought to be jailed," grumbled Sanzo. "Listen, you! I am Genjyo Houshi Sanzo – keeper of the Seiten Scripture – I tell you that this creature is five hundred years old…. Approximately …… give or take some decades….. Don't blame me if the gods aren't certain…."

"Listen, sir," said the annoying ignorant, nasal-toned clerk who was a rabid atheist. "Buddha can kiss my ass. I need real dates – not some myth from a crackpot."

Sanzo twitched.

* * *

**"UP THERE"**

"Sweeeet! Sanzo's first enemy! First challenge, actually….." Kanzeon giggled.

"More powerful than a youkai – beaurocracy!" Jirochin agreed.

"Ahhhhh! He'll find a way." Kanzeon shrugged. "He is – WAS – my nephew after all. Such a GOOD secretary. The paperwork has never been the same since he left….."

"Tenpou was influential too…."

Jirochin and his master sighed.

* * *

"Fine. Have it your way." 

"Age?" the annoying, ignorant atheist with a nasal tone mumbled.

"He's…… sixteen….."

"Sixteen? Saaannnnnnzzzoooo! I wanted to be legal drinking age! So then I could drink like Gojyo and Hakkai!"

"THAT is EXACTLY what I wanted to avoid." Sanzo said, eye twitching, thinking of Hakkai's preference for hard drinks and Gojyo's beer stash.

"Month and day?" asked the nasal, annoying ignorant atheist, scratching at a fleabite on his scrawny neck.

"Uh…. October….. uh….. Thirty first….."

"Halloween?" asked Goku, puzzled.

"You're weird enough…." Sanzo growled undertone.

"Parents?"

Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

Sanzo sighed. "…. No parents….."

"Orphaned……" murmured the clerk as he scrawled across the form.

"Look…. He's had no parents – he was born on the rocks due to a concentration of the earth's aura…." Sanzo petered off as the clerk looked over green horn-rims with a don't-mess-with-me-I'm-having-a-bad-day stare.

"…..never mind….. Orphaned he is….."

"What's your relationship to him, then?" asked the ignorant, flea-bitten atheist, who was annoyingly nasal and geeky with his over-sized horn-rims. "Parent? Guardian?"

"Uhhhh…. More of a keeper…."

"Pervert…." Mumbled the clerk.

"PARDON ME?" rumbled Sanzo.

"I'm putting you down as his guardian, "continued the annoying, ignorant, flea-bitten atheist with a nasal voice, horn-rims and a toupee.

"Where was he born?"

"Uh….. On Mount Kakasan."

"What was the woman thinking – having a baby all the way up there?"

"Beats me…." Shrugged Sanzo, giving up on the man.

"Very unofficial and slap-dash if you ask me…."

"I didn't ask – well, are we done yet?"

"Just need your signature there and…… there….."

Sanzo escaped as fast as he could, dropped Goku off at a ramen stand, went to the nearby inn and drank himself senseless.

* * *

As they made their way up the ramp, they heard a bunch of noises. A whole bunch of people were standing there to wave them off. Monks, who stood stiffly, a few were chanting safe journey mantras, a whole bunch of women were whistling and sobbing into handkerchiefs, a bunch of kids were there yelling at Goku to come back soon. Even Hakkai had a bunch of kids, who he had taught, there, telling him to be safe. 

Sanzo rolled his eyes. Hakkai gave the 'Queen's wave', laughing inanely. Gojyo strutted his stuff and Goku cried.

Once they were seated, they all sighed.

"This is great!' Gojyo said. "In four hours or so, we'll be off this plane. Maybe in the next ten hours, my hand will be around that bastard Gyumaoh's throat……" He sighed in contentment and started to watch the flight's chick flick.

Hakkai smiled, opened his lap travel bag and pulled out a book on Indian cookery.

Goku ordered three pop drinks and bought six bags of chips.

Sanzo glared at everybody and then pulled out a newspaper and settled in.

* * *

**"UP THERE"**

"This is sooooo boooorrrrring! Can't we stop them some way?"

"Nope," Jirochin said, with a happy sigh. "There's many things that a Bosatsu can do, but one of the things they can never tamper with are airlines…… the red tape afterwards would kill you and we would all be sued….. It's giving me a nightmare just thinking on it…."

"Relax, Jirochin. I know better than to mess with airlines."

"Phew…."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?"

"What's what supposed to mean?"

"The 'phew'."

"What 'phew'?"

"I heard what I heard."

"I don't know what you're talking about…." (Jirochin drops sweat)

"Really, you need an attitude adjustment."

"Wha-?"

"Ever thought of a vacation?"  
"Vacation?"

"Take a break from celestial life? Reincarnation?"

"No. No. NO! Nope. Totally happy here. Thank you for your concern, Kannon-sama."

"Humph…."

* * *

They were in the air for no more than ten minutes when a foreign voice came on the intercom. "All passengers please be notified that we are taking over this airplane. Repeat, we are taking over this aircraft. Remain in your seats or you will be instantly killed." 

The whole plane jerked around. And started to head back.

A hot woman rose up, screamed and fainted – into Gojyo's arms.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" yelled Sanzo, extricating himself from his seat.

"Sanzo!" Hakkai yelled.

Two men with pistols and various guns charged into the room. Sanzo ran at them.

"NOBODY FUCKING STOPS THIS PLANE! WE'VE GOT PLACES TO GO!"

"They just don't fucking learn, do they?" asked one hijacker.

"Big mouth dies."

They opened fire.

None of their bullets landed on the priest thanks to Hakkai's intervention. Goku jumped up, over the seats, yelling "Nyoi-Bo!" and knocked the two men out. Everybody cheered.

Hakkai bowed and smiled.

"It was nothing!" He said.

"So modest!" An old lady cooed.

"Ch. It's just that nobody's fuckin' with my schedule." Sanzo rolled his eyes.

* * *

Looking out the little windows, the Sanzo-ikko watched as their small hometown passed by. 

"We're on rewind!" yelled Goku.

"We're headed east, chibi chimp." Gojyo laughed.

"WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO US?" bellowed Sanzo, pulling out his gun. "We're going in the damn wrong direction!"

"I guess we should stop the hijackers anyway….. They can't be up to any good…." Hakkai pointed out.

"Then let's move our asses up to the cockpit!" Gojyo said.

"No! There might be others threatening the passengers. Gojyo, you and Goku knock them out and tie them all up. Hakkai and I will deal with the fuckers in the cockpit."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Gojyo and Goku joined Sanzo and Hakkai in the cockpit. Hakkai was sitting in the pilot's seat, the pilot was sitting in the co-pilot's seat, half-unconscious and the co-pilot lay unconscious with Sanzo half-heartedly attending to him. Three hijackers lay wounded on the floor. 

"Hakkai! What are you doing? You don't know how to fly a jumbo jet."

"Well…. I've read up on them and stuff – I think I could sort of crash land it safely."

"What the fuck!"

"Watch your damn language, kappa!" Sanzo snapped.

"Tell everybody to buckle in. You guys do the same."

"Fine."

All the passengers, who were nervously waiting in their seats, were relieved, astonished and enlivened by the intercom announcement.

"Hello, people. This is Sanzo speaking –"  
"AND GOKU!"

"Hey! Don't forget me!"

"GOJYO! GET AWAY!"  
"HEY LADIES! Gojyo here, to save your day!"

"Perverted kappa!"

"Bakasaru!"

"Urusai!"

Gunshot.

"Anyway. The hijackers have all been apprehended. We are now attempting to land the plane. Please remain calm, and ready yourselves. Hakkai – be careful you nearly made me lose my stomach there…"

"Sorry, sorry…. It's not like Hakuryu at all! Ahahahahaha!"

"He's insane!"

"We're going to diiiiieeee!"

"Shut up you idiots, you'll scare the people if you keep up fucking around like that. Geez!"

"So. Put on your seatbelts and enjoy the ride. Thank you for choosing… this shit airline company…. If you're not having a nice day, don't tell me, just go shoot yourselves –"

"Shut up, baldy! We don't want to be depressed. Eat a lot of food and be happy!"

"What kind of advice is that in this kind of situation? The way Hakkai is driving we'll all end up losing our food – one way or the other."

"Excuse me?"

"N-n-n-never mind. Remember guys, if we die, let's all die in the arms of pretty ladies."

"Ahhhhhhhh!"

With that, the intercom shut off. The plane banked, nosedived and then steadied.

After a few more minutes it started to descend. First class could hear yells from the cockpit.

"What the FUCK!"

"What the Hell!"

"We're going to diiiieee!"

"The flaps!"

"Ahahahaha!"

"That runway is too short!"

"We aren't going to make it!"

"Now, now."

Hitting the runway with a huge thud which gave everybody whiplash, the huge jet bounced across the runway banging along other aircraft around it until it skidded into the hangar. Well…. Crashed into the hangar wall….. Luckily, using a chi barrier, Hakkai was able to protect the cockpit.

Getting out, looking at the airplane's bent wings, broken underbody and totaled nose, Hakkai smirked. "Not bad at all for a beginner…."

The pilot agreed.

"He's only trying to get you on your good side," sneered Gojyo. "He's ogling you. I know it."

"Eh? Well…. Looking doesn't kill a man…."

Looking at the other available aircraft – now damaged – on the airfield, Sanzo shook his head.

"We're doomed."

"We'll find another mode of transportation."

"Let's just find our baggage."

A day later, with all official investigations done, baggage regained and on their way back home, the Sanzo-ikkou considered their next option.


	3. Option Two: Get on Board, Little Childre...

**The Inevitable Road Trip**

**Train**

"Well….. There's always the train….." Hakkai pointed out, with a smile.

"What're you smiling at?" growled Gojyo.

"I'll be able to see Jiipu. I've been missing him."

Everybody sighed.

Once back in Gojyo's apartment, the group considered their options.

"Well, a train IS cheaper. And is still fast….. We've got our refunds back and everything - so that's okay," Sanzo said.

They all sat back. Gojyo and Sanzo drew on their cigarettes ruminatively. Hakkai sipped from a teacup. Goku stuffed his face.

Jiipu settled down on the table and posed picturesque amid their beer bottles, ashtrays, and glasses and junk.

Walking back and forth, flapping his white wings gently, Hakuryu cheeped and kyuu-ed.

"What's wrong, Jeep?" asked Goku, picking up the dragon none too gently and shaking it.

"Teacher!" Gojyo whined. "The animal is abusing the animal."

"What was that dragon doing anyway?" Goku asked, as Hakkai grabbed it hastily from his arms.

"I don't know," Hakkai said. "But wherever we go, it's going with us. There's no way, I can leave him behind this time."

"Ch. Do what you want, Hakkai, but let me tell you, the moment that dragon becomes excess baggage, he's out."

"I'm sure Hakuryu will work his share," Hakkai said huffily.

Jiipu cheeped indignantly.

_

* * *

If only they would listen! After all, the idea that I be the one to transport them to Gyumaoh's castle seems a no-brainer. _

* * *

"Train it is." Gojyo said. 

"Yay! I've never been on a train before!" Goku smiled. "Is there food on a train?"

"Yep!" Hakkai said.

"Let's go!"

The next day, they boarded the train. This time, Hakkai took Jiipu along in a cat carrier. The dragon liked freaking out the passengers by slipping his neck out of one of the holes and popping mini fire balls at them.

* * *

Of course, getting ON the train was easier said than done.

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IT'S SOLD OUT?" Sanzo bellowed. 

"They are sold out, good sirs," quavered the ticket seller.

"What the hell? Can train tickets ever be sold out?" asked Gojyo.

"Watch your language, damn kappa."

"Now, now," Hakkai said, "I'm sure we can just take the next one…."

_

* * *

Speaking of bad language, Sanzo, why don't you keep your mouth out of the potty, asshole? _

* * *

"The next one comes in thirty minutes," the ticket seller said. 

"We have to wait thirty minutes? But Saaaannnnnzoooo! I'm hungry! I can't wait thirty minutes to eat!"

"Can't you complain about something new, chibi chimp boy?" Gojyo snarled.

"What're you talking about, perverted kappa who can't swim!" Goko yelled.

"Oh yeah! I can at least stop complaining about the same shit all the time."

"Oh yeah? Well, at least I'm not looking at every living female!"

"Bakasaru!"

"Perverted kappa!"

"URUSAI!" Sanzo snapped and smacked them both with his fan.

"S-s-s-sanzo? As in the great Sanzo Houshi-sama?" The ticket seller gasped.

"That's correct!" Hakkai said with a smile. "But no worry, I'm sure his important mission can wait for another – what did you say again? – half an hour?"

"Oh no! I'm sure we can find a spot!"

Once again, they were headed out to the west. First class, too.

"Wow! This so cool! It sounds so cool and it's so long! It's bigger than the airplane. This thing is like – is like – a sausage link!"

"Only a kid like you would think a train is a sausage link," smirked Gojyo.

"Why can't I think like that?"

"Nothing. It's only that stupid monkeys would consider a sausage like a train."

"Oh yeah? Well, you would say something pervy about sausages!"

"Oh yeah! Like the fact that my thing is longer than any sausages!"

"Ewwww! I didn't need to hear that! Hey! Don't touch my sausage!"

"I didn't touch your sausage!"

"Yes you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"Didn't."

"Did!"

"Bakasaru!"

"Perverted kappa!"

"URUSAI!" bellowed Sanzo, and brandished his fan, whacking them on the head several times.

"Now, now," Hakkai pleaded.

_

* * *

Damn it! They're making me look bad before everyone! Why do I always get embarrassed like this? I know I'm supposed to atone for everything but – this is too much! _

* * *

All the other passengers in the dinner car stared. Hakkai got up and did a round of the tables apologizing for the noise and violence. By the time he was done, the rest of the Sanzo-ikkou had gone off to their sleeper cabins.

* * *

"UP THERE" 

"Better and better!"

"Worse and worse!"

"Oh, Jirochin! Don't be such a suck! It's great! You'd think they'd be smarter and realize they aren't destined to take this kind of road…. Never mind….. Who's to make them any wiser?"

"Kannon-sama! You could!"

"No, no. Let them be…. Let them figure this out on their own. I wonder what will happen next. Ahhhhhh! Fellow Bosatsu! Let's see if they want to bet on this!"

* * *

They were woken up in the middle of the night by a pounding on the door. 

"We have a severe emergency!" Some crew members yelled at the still dozy group.

"What now?" grumbled Sanzo.

"The bridge has washed away up ahead; the train won't be able to brake in time, so we'll be going right over with it. We would like the Sanzo to come and pray with us the last rites –"

"Fuck the rites! We've got to get ourselves out of this shit hole!" yelled Sanzo, cursing the day he was given the mission.

"Oh, dear." Hakkai said. "How're we to stop the train?"

"We'll think of something!" Gojyo said, turning to a still sleepy Goku. "Oi, Goku! Wake up! We're going to die!"

"What's fried?"

"I said, wake up, we're going to die!"

"I'm hungry."

"Stop this thing and we'll all live another day to enjoy some food," Hakkai frowned.

"Man! This is SO troublesome," groaned Goku. "Working for food!"

"That's life, bakasaru!" Gojyo smirked.

"According to the engineers," yelled Hakkai over the racket, "the only way to stop the train is to cut off the two engines."

"Okay! Let's do it!" Goku jumped up and down.

"Well, we could just break the couplings but then the engineers and such would be stuck on the main engines. And somebody has to stay there to keep an eye on things."

"How many minutes before the bridge comes up?" asked Sanzo.

"Twenty."

"Right, then lets move all personnel off, we stay on, we snap the couplings and we'll be fine!"

"Okayyyy!" Goku sped off to the main engines.

"Wait up! Bakasaru!" bellowed Gojyo.

Several minutes later, looking down at the couplings, they looked at each other seriously, and using his chi blast carefully, Hakkai broke the metal chains and hooks.

Shuddering to a halt, the train's main body quickly faded into the night for about a minute before it was lost to sight.

They had gone off the bridge.

Quite suddenly.

With a large splash, the engine's hit the water. At the back end, the party of four flew off of the engine, into the water.

Saving Gojyo from death, Hakkai towed the sputtering half-breed to the nearest bank. Goku doggy-paddled to the side and then, stretching his Nyoi-bo to Sanzo, tugged his master out of the river.

Hakkai and Gojyo joined them. Hakkai looked flushed and breathless.

_

* * *

Gojyo wet! In my arms! Aaaah! _

* * *

Climbing out, breathless, they made their way back up to the rest of the train, in which there was a great commotion. 

Already emergency rescue crews were on their way – ready to deal with the irate passengers and baggage.

"So, when's the next train going to come?" Sanzo asked, trying to keep his thread-bare patience.

"Ummmmm…. From the looks of the bridge, it'll be a while before the line will be fixed. All trains west I guess will have to be cancelled."

"CANCELLED?" The Sanzo-ikkou echoed in fear.

"What the hell is going on?" screamed Gojyo.

"Watch your language, shit head! Do you think I'm happy about this?" Sanzo snarled.

"We have to go home? Again?" asked Goku. "Why don't we just give up?"

"Now, now! I'm sure there's different ways to get to India then by plane or train."

_

* * *

What is with these guys? Emergencies just seem to prove there is no grey matter in their upstairs! What's in their skulls? Shit? _

* * *

"Great. Something new. More time spent!" Sanzo shook his head. "I'm cursed." 

"I'm still a little puzzled," Gojyo said. "What exactly DID happen to the shit bridge? Damn it."

"Well, according to eyewitness accounts, there was an influx of water from the mountains which swept the bridge which was weakened already –"

"How the hell could an important bridge like that be made so cheaply?" growled Sanzo, lighting a cigarette and settling back into the passenger seat.

"Well –" Hakkai said, also puzzled. "There was a giant rush of otakus trying to make it to an important convention in the east."

"On foot?" asked Sanzo skeptically.

"What's a covenshun?" asked Goku.

"Convention, bakasaru! At least say it right," laughed Gojyo.

"Oh yeah? Well, you know where you can shove your convention up!"

"No. Do tell me! Chibi chimp!"

"Argh! I'm not a monkey! Stop calling me that, damn water sprite!"

"Could've fooled me….." Gojyo smirked, rolling his eyes.

"Well, what is it? Sanzo? Sanzo? What is it? Tell me! C'mon! Tell me! What's a convention, Sanzo?"

"It's a gathering of people who like something."

"This convention is apparently about comics and such – manga, anime, toys and people dress up as characters they admire. That's called cosplay." Hakkai said helpfully, wagging his finger.

"Is food there?" Goku asked.

"Most probably." Hakkai said.

"Can we go there? Sanzo? Pleeeeaaase? I'm hungry! I wanna dress up!"

"Request denied."

"Goku, we don't want to go east – we need to go west!" Hakkai explained patiently.

_

* * *

Sometimes, Gojyo is right. This kid can be a fucking twit! _

* * *

"But I wanted to dress up and eat food and watch shows – it's much more fun than sitting around with you guys….. Although, I don't know who I'd dress up as." 

"You could go as yourself – you're weird enough to be a figment of a crazy author's imagination," Gojyo said, lighting a cigarette and pulling out a beer can.

"Like you're any different – a kappa who can't swim! I bet you'd fit right in with those weird otaku people!"

Gojyo twitched and jumped onto Goku.

Sanzo's eyelid twitched. Hakkai smiled. Behind them, kicking, punching and hair pulling was going full force.

"Pervert!"

'Baka!"

"Kappa!"

"Saru!"

"Asshole!"

"Son of a bitch!"

"URUSAI!" Sanzo screamed. "If you don't shut up" - he waved his fan at them – " you can join the convention of the dead."

"Eeeep!" Gojyo and Goku cringed as the golden Sanzo loomed over them with killer intentions flashing in his purple eyes.

"Now, now!" Hakkai interjected. "We'll be home in no time, thanks to the fact I brought Hakuryu along."

_

* * *

I wish I were at that convention! Anywhere but here in this hellhole with this shit company! _


	4. Option Two: Yo ho ho! A Pirate's Life fo...

**The Inevitable Road Trip**

**Boat**

"How the fuck do you do that?" Sanzo asked disbelievingly.

"How do I do what?" Hakkai turned to the irate Sanzo.

"How the hell do you remain so calm – WHEN WE'RE BACK AT SQUARE ONE!"

There was a silence.

"Well, what ARE we going to do now?" asked Gojyo.

"Bicycles?" Goku asked.

"Hahahahah! No." Gojyo replied. "Really, what's Plan C?"

Suddenly, Hakuryu transformed back into dragon, dumping them in the middle of the road.

Up and down he strutted his stuff, posing, flapping his wings and kyuu-ing.

"Pick me! I can drive you there!" he said.

"What's he trying to say, Hakkai?" asked Goku.

"Get the thing going, before I shoot it," Sanzo threatened.

Hakkai petted his disconsolate dragon. "Come on, Hakuryu, we've got to get to a boat now, I guess. I promise you, I won't leave you behind."

Sighing, the dragon transformed again, and when they had gotten all the stuff into the car, they went on their way. Hakkai shared with them Plan C.

"Ahahahaha! Well, since we've got our luggage, we'll just avoid 'square one' and continue south until we reach the nearest port."

"Port? What's a port, Sanzo? Can you eat there? I'm hungry!"

"A port is a city on the water which has a harbor!" Gojyo explained with a sigh. "Bakasaru!" He rubbed his forehead. "I need a toke."

"Ummmmm…." Goku tried to visualize a town floating on the water with streets filled with tiny boats. "What's a harbor? Are you going to gave Gojyo his talk, Sanzo or not?"

Silence.

Sanzo sighed.

"Is there food at the port?" asked Goku again, this time in a REALLY whiny voice.

"Yes, Goku. Especially stuff like fish and shrimp."

"Ehhhhh!" Goku jumped up and down with glee. "Will we see Gojyo's family?"

Gojyo looked down at the clueless kid, his eyes in shadow.

"WHAT do you mean by that, DAMN SARU?" he asked dangerously.

"Well, since this town is on top of water and since you're a water kappa, I thought maybe we'd be able to meet your friends and family." Goku explained nervously.

There was a silence. Then the three men laughed. Gojyo gutted himself.

"STOP! STOP TALKING, SARU! You're killing me!"

"I'm NOT A SARU! MY NAME IS GOKU!" yelled the golden-eyed boy.

"Ahhah ahhhah!" Hakkai chuckled.

"Impossible," Gojyo gasped. "I never came from a port town! And – " he stopped laughing and looked pensively at the rocky terrain around them. "If my family members aren't dead – they are lost to me."

"Ah, well," Sanzo shrugged, disinterestedly. "It'll just decrease the in-laws Hakkai has to suck up to."

"Pardon?" Asked Hakkai with a sweet smile and killer eyes.

He jammed on the brakes suddenly. Sanzo went flying over the windshield.

"Why, YOU BASTARD!" Shrieked Sanzo. "Sore loser!"

"Oops!" Hakkai grinned behind his mouth. "Sumimasen – but I guess I must have hit a pothole…."

"What's an in-law, Sanzo? Huh? Why do you have to suck up in-laws?"

"Dumb ass…. Can't take a joke…." Grumbled Sanzo, dusting off his robes.

"Just get in the damn car, baldy." Gojyo said lazily. "You're holding us up."

"An in-law," Hakkai explained calmly, as if nothing happened, "is part of a family. If you marry somebody, in laws are your wife or husband's family members."

"Aaaaaah….." Goku sat back, deep in thought.

"Smiling mother-effer…. Creep!" Sanzo muttered.

"So…" Hakkai said cheerily. "This is why, Goku, you must ALWAYS wear a seatbelt!" He leaned forward, healed Sanzo's huge scrapes on his forehead, cheek and shoulder. Then, starting the car, he smiled.

Goku was silent for about ten minutes. Gojyo looked pensively at the landscape thinking sadly about his lack of family.

"Soooo…" Goku said, leaning forward in between the two front seats. "That means Hakkai and Gojyo married? Why didn't anybody say anything to me? You KNOW how I hate secrets. You guys would kill me if I got married without you knowing!"

Sanzo smirked. Hakkai's eye twitched. Gojyo looked dumbfounded.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" he spluttered. "Stop being deliberately stupid, bakasaru! It's bad enough the way you are!"

"Well –"

"Hakkai and I have NEVER married – now of course, Hakkai is a looker and all that – and tons of people notice that – remember the photographer and the pilot? But – I'm savin' myself for the ladies – no offence, Hakkai…."

Hakkai gritted his teeth.

_

* * *

Great, now Gojyo is going to feel defensive. And be on his guard….. Damn!_

* * *

"Oh." Goku said. "Well, good then. It'd be weird if Gojyo started to wear dresses and makeup."

"What the hell makes you think I'd be wearing the dress?" shrieked Gojyo. "Bakasaru! Only animals think that way!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, it's 'cause you've got long hair and scream like a girl!"

"I do NOT scream like a girl," screamed Gojyo (like a girl).

"Yah! Yah! There you go! And I'm not a SARU!"

"Hah! You are! You scream like – a chimpanzee! A baby monkey!"

"Yeah! Well, you scream more often!"

"You do it in your sleep!"

"Pervert!"

"Baka!"

"URUSAI!" bellowed Sanzo, shooting at them. "If you say another word, I swear I'll really make you guys scream!"

"Aaaahhhh!"

"Now, now," Hakkai said, calmingly. "Sanzo put that gun away – you're scaring me and one of these days you'll hit Hakuryu in a vital spot."

_

* * *

One more gunshot and I swear I'll break it! Damn Sanzo! Damn saru!_

* * *

"AND YOU!" retorted Sanzo. "Stop grinding your teeth like that! It's damned annoying!"

Two days later, totally exhausted from non-stop fighting, they arrived a port town.

"Finally!" Sanzo sighed with relief. "From this point onward, it'll be much easier! Soon we'll finish this hellish mission and then, I won't have to see your faces anymore!"

"Heh. Tonight, thankfully, I won't see your faces, either." Gojyo said, "I'm off to find some fair company – wanna come and get laid, Hakkai?"

"No thanks, Gojyo, I'll stay at our rooms ….. And keep an eye on the baggage."

_

* * *

After I get my hands on some respectable sake…._

* * *

"Well, I don't want to see you guys till morning. So, Goku – go spend the night with Hakkai."_

* * *

Damn! There goes the sake plan!_

* * *

The next morning, they boarded a small cruise line.

"We're going on a cruise?" Sanzo asked, voice cracking with disbelief and horror.

"Ehhhh! Well, I let Gojyo do the arrangements for transportation…." Hakkai murmured.

_

* * *

That's for dumping with me with bakasaru last night!_

* * *

"It'll take way too long!" Sanzo wailed.

"Naw! It's a short cruise –"

"Good."

"- In about a month."

"A MONTH!"

"Man! It'll be great! Hot chicks beside the pools. Drinks…. Food…."

"FOOD!" Goku yelled. "Let's go!"

A week passed swiftly. Goku was in seventh heaven – for once, he was content – there was so much food, he was literally becoming obese. Sanzo went undercover. There was no way he'd be caught preaching to the masses or signing autographs. Instead, he enjoyed the lonely times of the cabin when Goku was out and the lonely times of the deck, when Goku was in.

Gojyo, true to his word, kept to the pool like a leech. Of course, he rarely went in – and when he did, it was only in the shallow end. All the ladies fell in love with him and all the guys and card sharks hated him.

Hakkai spent his time either sampling the wines brought on board or reading in the library. Sometimes he hung out with Sanzo, sometimes he gave swimming lessons to Gojyo (he learned how to float) and sometimes, he played games with Goku. Basically, without Hakkai, the Sanzo-ikkou wouldn't have known how each other were doing.

This all changed on the eighth day.

On the eighth day, a large ship hoved into view. And it was definitely hostile.

"Pirates!" wailed the captain.

"Youkai pirates!" moaned the first mate, which had the telescope.

"ALL PASSENGERS, GET A LIFE JACKET, GROUP NEAR A LIFE BOAT AND ABANDON SHIP. REPEAT, ALL PASSENGERS ABANDON SHIP!" screamed the Captain over the intercom.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Sanzo yelled.

"Must leave! Youkai pirates headed this way – and they'll kill you! They're crazed nowadays!" The captain said as he bolted down the stairs and onto a lifeboat.

"Ummmmm…. Do we leave with them?" asked Hakkai as he walked up.

"Like hell we'll leave! This boat is gonna take us to India – and no bunch of damn youkai pirates are going to stop me!" Sanzo raved.

"Yeah!" Goku cheered, as he ran around the deck.

The last lifeboat cast off.

Hakkai sighed.

"Oh, dear." He rubbed his forehead. "I've got a bad feeling about this!"

"Let's get 'em!" Gojyo cheered, waving his shakuryu.

"Nyoi-bo!" Goku yelled, twirling his weapon.

Sanzo began loading his gun.

"Ahhhhh! Guys! If we don't steer this thing, we'll founder – crash….."

Hakkai waved his hand. "Yooo-hooo! Anybody hearing this? I guess not…."

In a couple of secs, the youkai pirates were on them. Sanzo darted around hiding behind anchors and deckchairs to reload and fire a rain of lethal bullets on their unsuspecting heads. Goku was EVERYWHERE, swinging his Nyoi-bo, killing dozens of youkai at a time. Gojyo moved slowly from one place to another, killing any youkai who were foolish enough to come within a few feet of him. Above them, from a particularly high roof, Hakkai rained chi blasts down on them.

Many youkai were killed before the leader realized that the losses were too great for the potential gain. So, ordering a retreat, the youkai boarded their tramp tug and disappeared into the horizon.

"Well, that went well…. All things considering." Hakkai said, dusting his hands off.

"Where are we?" Gojyo asked, looking around.

"Ummmm…. Somewhere in the Indian Ocean, I believe. Ahahahaha!"

_

* * *

What do I look like? A fucking satellite?_

* * *

"Whhhhaaaat?" Gojyo said, his cigarette fell out of his mouth and blew away.

Sanzo smacked himself in the head with his fan.

"WHO STEERED?"

"THAT is the problem…" Hakkai said. "I think I mentioned it several HOURS ago!"

"What the hell are we going to do?" yelled Gojyo in a panic.

"Foooood! I'm hungry!" Goku headed off to the first class restaurant area.

The other three trailed behind him.

"WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?" Sanzo wailed. "I swear that if this is a cruel joke of the gods, when they bring their asses down here, there'll be hell to pay!"

"Now, now," Hakkai said.

_

* * *

Ha! You think this is bad? I have a sick feeling that I'm going to have to be the one to get us off this shitty ship!_

* * *

"We just need to find a map and a compass," he said.

Crowded around the table with lots of food, the three men stared at the map, wishing it could talk.

"Man! That map was drawn by a two year old!" Goku said. "Look at all those weird lines!"

"Those mark shoals and rocks, bakasaru!" Gojyo said, flicking Goku's forehead with a finger, dismissively.

"Well do you know what THAT means, kappa?"

"……."

"Hahahaha! You don't know what that means?"  
"Well, of course I don't know everything! Do I look like a captain to you? Chibi chimp!"

"Shut up! You look like a cockroach to me! And I'm NOT a chimp!"

"Cockroach? Cockroach? What a dumb monkey! Even his insults don't make sense!"

"Say 'monkey' again and I'll shove this pointy thing up your ass!" Goku hefted up the handiest weapon.

Gojyo laughed even harder. "Goku doesn't know an anchor when he sees one! Hehehe! Hey, monkey! Do you know what an 'ocean' is?"

"Grrrrrr!" Goku growled and pounced on Gojyo.

Sanzo had a glazed look.

Hakkai looked at the map.

CRASH! HISS! CRUNCH!

"WHAT THE FUCK!" yelled Sanzo.

"Oh my!" Hakkai said.

_

* * *

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK!_

* * *

Gojyo and Goku pointed accusing fingers at each other, trying to look innocent. Sanzo twitched. Then all hell broke loose. He chased the two miscreants out of the room, shooting his gun wildly.

Hakkai stood there, shocked, looking at the totally damaged instruments – all crushed and broken under a deeply embedded anchor.

"We are DOOMED."

Even after pulling out the anchor, maneuvering the cruise ship was really out of the question. For quite a while they floated along. Sanzo counted and remembered very wasted day – eighteen of them – until land hoved into sight.

"We're saved!" Goku danced around on the deck.

"India! Here we come!" Gojyo sang.

"We don't KNOW if it's India, animals! Think!" Sanzo snarled.

"Well, it's only a dot on the horizon – don't get too hasty," Hakkai added, stroking Jiipu's head.

"But we've found land! Isn't it exciting! (Gojyo)

"Wow! Ramen stands! People! Festivals!" (Goku)

"Wine! Beer! Hot chicks!" Gojyo had drunk his whole stash of beer.

There was a scraping sound, then a shuddering sound, then a crunch, a crash and another shuddering sound. The whole ship moaned.

"What the fuck?"

"Oh dear." Hakkai said as a large wave hit one side and the ship tilted even more. "It seems that we've finally hit something."

"It isn't a large cruiser so it won't take long to sink," Sanzo noted distantly.

"You don't seem to be worried." Gojyo noted. "Saying your prayers, priesty? I'm going to go look for a boat."

Gojyo ran off.

Goku appeared carrying sacks and sacks of food.

"Can't forget this, Sanzo."

Sanzo twitched.

"Sanzo? Aren't you going to get your stuff?"

Sanzo twitched.

"Sanzo? Are you okay? Sanzo? Sanzo?"

Sanzo twitched.

"WHY THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?" cried Sanzo to the heavens, he turned and strode off to get his things.

Two hours later, after ferrying back and forth in the last flotational device on board, the Sanzo-ikkou stared melancholy at the ship as it slowly slid off the rocks, bobbed half-heartedly for a few secs and then sank.

"What are you humming?" Gojyo asked Goku irritably. "It's annoying."

Sanzo, reading a VERY old magazine, grunted in agreement.

Hakkai said," Well, Gojyo, it's kind of appropriate."

"Knock it off, baka!" Gojyo huffed, then stopped and looked at his hands. "Geez, my hand will never work again!"

"They never worked before!" Goku pointed out.

"Well, if you don't stop singing that annoying music, I'll shove this oar up your ass."

"Gojyo, stop talking and help me now," Hakkai frowned. "We're drifting."

Gojyo started rowing again.

"Huh! I can sing "Gilligan's Island" theme song if I want!" sniffed Goku.

"Then you WANT an oar up your ass, baka?"

"Like you could do that!" scoffed Goku. "Your hands are broken."

"Not broken enough to shove this up your damn ass, chibi chimp."

"Stop calling me chimp! Perverted kappa!"

"Bakasaru!"

"Cockroach!"

"Asshole!"

"Son of a bitch!"

"URUSAI!" bellowed Sanzo, brandishing Gojyo's oar. "Say anything more and I'll shove this oar up BOTH of your asses and heave you overboard!"

"Oh my!" Hakkai said with a smile. "Sanzo, please give Gojyo his oar back – we'll drift further away from the island – and then where will we be?"

_

* * *

Why do I have to be stuck on a desert island with total morons?_

* * *

Sanzo handed the oar back with an oath.

"Where would we be? Sanzo?" Goku asked.

"It's a rhetorical question, baka!" Sanzo sighed.

"Oh, I see." Goku said in a voice that signaled that he did not see at all.

In three days, the Sanzo-ikkou had completely searched the island. It had a little mountain with a waterfall and pool below it. One side of the island was more elevated than the other side. In its cliff face, caves were plenteous.

In seven days, everybody wanted to get off the damn island.

A ship appeared on the horizon, when Hakkai signaled to it , it responded by coming closer.

"DAMN! It's those bloody pirates!" Sanzo grumbled.

"DAMN!" The youkai pirate captain said, when he caught sight of the four guys standing on the beach. "It's those bloody killers! Let's get outta here!"

"Hey! Wait!" Hakkai yelled. "Can't we talk about this? Like a parley or something? We won't hurt you – we promise!"

"Why would they believe you?" Sanzo asked. "I should've said something – the word of a Sanzo is inviolate."

"What's inviolate mean?" Goku asked.

"Hmph. A normal Sanzo's word maybe….." Hakkai said, wagging his finger. "But remember the clerk back home in the local government office?"

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Sanzo said with a twitch. "He was a socialist-type, a Commie or something."

"Well, they're gone now. We'll just have to wait until someone new comes by."

Gojyo remarked, lighting a cigarette.

"Anything passing this way, I'm on it – no matter who it is or where it is going."

"What if it's heading east?" asked Hakkai.

"As long as we're in motion and off this rock, I don't care." Sanzo snarled.

"What if it's youkai?" asked Goku.

"We'll kill them and take over and you aren't to show your face in the steering room – both you and Gojyo – any anchor touched goes overboard with you attached to it."

"What if it were Gyumaoh himself?" Gojyo asked.

"Impossible, but if it were so – even better, we'd kill him, take his ship and sail back home." Sanzo cracked a smile. "Highly improbable."

On the fifteenth day on the island, another boat was sighted and it too responded to the flare Gojyo fired.

A lifeboat, they could see, was cast off and the Sanzo-ikkou crept suspiciously down to meet them.

Hakkai first.

"You're polite." Gojyo said. "I can't say a fuckin' thing without swearing."  
"You're smart." Goku smiled adoringly. "You'll figure out if anything is wrong."

"You're strong." Sanzo glared. "With a chi barrier, you can defend yourself against anything. So you go first – we'll be right behind."

"Very well, Sanzo-sama." Hakkai said. "Let's go Hakuryu."

_

* * *

Damn cowards! The lot of them! I've half a mind to leave them behind!_

* * *

"Hey! You guys need help or somethin'?" asked one of the sailors – who looked unsavory to say the least.

Hakkai wrinkled his nose at the waves of bad B.O. emanating from the old salt.

Sanzo couldn't hold his peace.

"Do we look like we're okay?"

"Hey, hey!" The sailor said, huffily. "I was just checkin'. There's a lot of people into survivin' on islands, nowadays."

"You've gotta be kidding," Goku said.

"Lame ass way of spending your spare time." Gojyo rolled his eyes.

"Yep. Seen it on a show. A TV show." Another sailor commented. "The boss has satellite and enjoys watchin' it every Thursday night. Hot chicks in bikinis and there's a million dollar prize at the end given out."

"Hot chicks in bikinis?" Gojyo's eyes widened. "I gotta get on there!"

"Well, TV shows aside," Hakkai said sweetly through gritted teeth. "We have been truly castaway. And we're hoping that you may give us a lift to the nearest port. Which way ARE you headed?"

The sailors looked at each other.

"East," the spokesperson of the group said. "But the next port we come to – which will be in a couple days time, we'll set you off on. Have you money?"

"Yes, we do." Hakkai said, relieved. "Just wait a sec, I need to grab my baggage."

Once they got on board, Hakkai felt his stomach sink. Things did not look good at all! Although the ship was clean, it seemed run down and the sailors looked rather suspiciously like hit men.

"Hey, check out the green-eyed beauty."

"They're all not too bad."

"Good fish landed this time…."

"Weird. Check out that guy's yellow dress thingy."

"A priest, maybe?"

"Do you think he'll do?"  
"A virgin no doubt!"

Hakkai raised an eyebrow, as he surveyed the large group of sailors that stood in the large circle around them.

"Something tells me that they are NOT talking about sex," Gojyo remarked. "Although, I'm so horny, I'd take on any sailor right about now."

"And NOT me?" Hakkai asked stiffly.

"What'd you say?" Gojyo asked, surprised.

"Nothing, nothing."

"WHAT the hell ARE those sailors talking about?" growled Sanzo. "If there's trouble for us, there'll be hell to pay."

"Now, Sanzo, they're human – we can't commit mass murder, can we?" Hakkai pointed out.

_

* * *

Say, yes! Please say yes!_

* * *

"Well, here comes the captain," Sanzo said.

"Saaaannnnnzo! I'm huunnnngry!"

"Urusai!" Sanzo barked as he eyed the tall, tanned hefty captain.

"Well now, let's have a LOOK at our….. guests, shall we?" The captain leered.

"What do you mean by that?" Hakkai asked with a smile.

The captain's face lit up.

"All of our guests are treated - MOST ROYALLY."

"I hear you are traveling east," Sanzo said. "Where's the nearest port we can be dropped off at?"  
"Oh," said the Captain with a velvety voice, "Youse guys are goin' nowhere."

"Hmmmm. I wonder, Sanzo, is he trying to be scary?" Hakkai asked casually. "Because, somehow, I'm not impressed."

"What's scaring me is THAT WE'RE BEING SCREWED OVER AGAIN!"

Sanzo whipped out his fan. "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKIN' DEAL, CAPTAIN?"

"Youse guys –"  
"Ugh! Their grammar is AWFUL," Hakkai shuddered.

The Captain glared.

"Youse guys are going to pay for your fare with the price of your lives," laughed the captain. "The price of that green-eyed beauty – what's you name, dearie? – alone will outfit this ship with a better engine. I haven't gotten my hands on good merchandise like this for ages!"

"Saaaaanzo? What's wrong, Sanzo? What're they talking about?" Goku asked, his golden eyes, puzzled.

"SICK PERVERTS! Nobody's selling or buying anything, you hear me?" Sanzo hollered.

"Hey, man! I'm with ya! There's no way I'm getting sold for these sick bastards!" Gojyo agreed, lighting another cigarette.

"I appreciate your admiration of my looks," Hakkai said with a smile. "But don't you guys think you're taking it too far?"

Goku called on his Nyoi-bo. "Come on, Sanzo! They're just asking to get their asses kicked, dirty bastards!"

The whole group of sailors gasped. "It's magic!" One of them cried.

Discharging his shotgun at Sanzo, the Captain roared. "Shut up, scum. We're tough guys. I'm sure we can take on four pansies."

"Did ya hear him? He called us pansies!" Gojyo said in outrage.

The bullets were deflected by a chi shield.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" yelled a sailor in shock.

"Watch your language!" Sanzo yelled. "Damn navy!"

Of course, the sailors, although tough enough to run a slave ship, were no match for the seriously pissed off Sanzo-ikkou.

Holding his gun to the head of the pilot, Sanzo screamed. "GET US TO THE FUCKING LAND, SHITHEAD!"

Goku knocked the last sailor unconscious and went off in search of food, while Gojyo and Hakkai tied up the last prisoners.

Passing by the stairway to the steering room, Hakkai and Gojyo stopped as they heard Sanzo talking.

" – and do you think my day ends there? Oh no! We have to take a shitty cruise which ends upon the rocks and I get stuck on a desert island with three shithead losers for company – actually two bakas – Hakkai isn't so bad as long as it isn't raining."

"I think baldy is getting some really good therapy time unloading his shit at the guy." Gojyo said, with a grin. "Man! This trip has been so shitty! Could it get any worse?" He ran his hands through his red hair. "I need a bath!"

Hakkai's green eyes twinkled. "As soon as we get to a bathhouse, I'm going to live in it for a week. Waterfalls are romantic but the lack of soap was disturbing."

"I can't believe you forgot the soap." Gojyo chuckled, remembering the green-eyed youkai's dismay and embarrassment.

He paused.

"Oi? Where's the bakasaru? Has he gone off to eat all of our food? He better not have!"

"Finders keepers! Losers weepers!" chanted Goku as he bounded up some stairs to them. He was carrying a container of food, a beer can and a fork, presumably for Sanzo.

"AND I'M NOT A BAKASARU! COCKROACH!"

"Cockroach? Why do you CALL ME THAT? I'm not the one eating all the food!"

"OH yeah, well I'm not the one who sits on his lazy ass looking at bad magazines or flirting with girls!"

"What! SLANDER! Hakkai! Tell him that's wrong!"

"Ummmmm…. Can I stay out of this one?" Hakkai asked, sweating.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Gojyo yelped. He pounced on Goku, they began to fight.

Hakkai nabbed the fork, can and container as it went flying and went up to Sanzo.

Sanzo was standing in the steering room, eye twitching toward the staircase.

The pilot looked like he was on the verge of a nervous break down.

"Sanzo, why don't you go get a beer for our pilot?" Hakkai suggested.

He smiled sweetly at the pilot who stopped quivering.

Sanzo twitched again at the sounds of the fight downstairs.

"Why didn't you stop them earlier?" He asked as he made his way to the stair, whipping out his fan.

"Ummmm – gee – maybe because I've got no fan?" Hakkai said. "I'm not the animal beater type."

Sanzo was already gone. But they could still hear his loud voice.

"URUSAI!"

WHAP! WHACK!

"STOP TEARING THE SHIT – I MEAN, THE SHIP – APART, DAMMIT!"

LATER

"See you again, sometime!" Hakkai said, politely to the subdued captain and heartened pilot. "Arigatou for your navigation lessons! No doubt I will really be thankful for that information in the future!"

"If I see your shit faces again," Sanzo growled at the ashen-faced captain. "I'll shang-hai you myself to hell."

"Yeah!" Goku said. "I'll stuff your anchor up your ass."

Gojyo smiled. "I like ladies – but only when they're willing – if you get my meaning. So why don't you go home, take a crap and think of something else to do."

"I agree," Hakkai chimed in. "Perhaps a career change is in order…… Have you ever thought about running a cruise line?"

With that, the four turned, walked up to the village on the edge of the sea.

"Boats are SO not my thing!" Gojyo said emphatically.

"I'll never waste my money on a cruise again. Do you think they give refunds, Hakkai?" Sanzo asked, lighting a cigarette.

"I'll miss the bufets." Goku sighed.

"Kyuuuu!" Hakuryu agreed.

"You mean buffets, bakasaru!" Gojyo laughed, then yelped 'ouch' as Goku stomped on his foot.

"URUSAI!" Sanzo yelled.

"How shall we go next?" Hakkai wondered.


	5. Option Three: The Wheels go Round and Ro...

I do not Saiyuki. It belongs to some other lucky lady. If it did belong to me I would be keeping it more in line with the manga. :-D!

Please review! just say 'hahaha!' or something... it'll only take a couple secs of your time! Kakashidiot.

* * *

**Bus**

Two days later, they stood on the plain, looking at a dirt road that wound from the mountain range. Hakkai pulled out their map and a compass.

After figuring out where they were approximately, he sat back.

"Well, for now, I guess we'll have to go by car."

Suddenly, barreling down the road, came a really retro bus. Jumping up and down, Goku and Gojyo hailed it.

Creaking to a stop, the rickety doors opened, showing an ancient man with a scraggly mustache at the wheel.

"Are you headed east?" asked Sanzo.

"Uh….. yes, Honoured One." The man stammered as he caught sight of Sanzo's robes.

"Great," Sanzo nodded. He boarded without further ado and took a seat. "Pay him, Hakkai."

Hakkai sighed and petted a tearful Hakuryuu.

Gojyo and Goku plunked themselves down on a wide bench.

Sanzo looked around before sitting down, it seemed peaceful, which was a blessing. Most of the passengers had fallen asleep.

"This is good, Hakkai," he said. "Now I'll have some fucking peace and quiet."

"Uh… Sanzo? I'm not sure of this…." Hakkai said uncertainly.

As they turned around and looked at the rest of the other passengers,Goku's and Gojyo'seyes widened.

"Sannnnzo!" whispered Goku in a tiny voice. "It smells in here!"

"Shut up, bakasaru!" Sanzo yelled, whacking the boy over the head with his fan. "It smells nice to me!"

Gojyo's nose twitched, eyes widened with unholy glee and he scrambled to the back.

He returned with a bag of leaves and a pipe.

"Sanzo! Sanzo!" Goku called jumping up and down on his seat. "Can I get some? Can I? Can I? Sanzo?"

"Yeah, yeah," Sanzo said distractedly without removing his head from the newspaper given to him by the driver.

"No. Definitely not!" Hakkai cut in.

"Hakkai? Let him have what he fucking wants." Sanzo said, turning the pages avidly.

It was always great to catch up on the news.

Hakkai gasped. "But Sanzo –"  
"Shut the fuck up, Hakkai."

"Yes, Sanzo," Hakkai sighed.

* * *

WHAT THE FUCK IS HE THINKING – OF NOTHING THAT DAMN STUPID, LAZY PIECE OF SHIT!

* * *

Goku disappeared down the bus and with similar paraphernalia. Hakkai was motioning dead meat, I-slice-your-throat signs at him, but for once Goku really ignored.

In half an hour, both Goku and Gojyo had passed out in each other's arms. Hakkai was banging his head on the armrest.

Finally, they reached a large town.

"Well, Honoured One," the bus driver, "This is as far as we go for now."

"Thank you very much for your hospitality," Hakkai said, still fuming. He turned to Sanzo as he grabbed as many packs as he could. "Right, you grab Goku and I'll help Gojyo out."

"What's the matter with the bakas?" Sanzo asked irritated as he turned to look at the blissfully silent pair.

"I don't know," Hakkai suddenly yelled full blast at the Sanzo. "MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE SO TOKED UP THEY ARE NO LONGER RESPONSIBLE ADULTS? Not that they were responsible to begin with…."

Sanzo, when he realized his mistake, yelled.

"WELL, THEN, SHITHEAD, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME STRAIGHT OUT INSTEAD OF STANDING THERE WRINGING YOUR HANDS LIKE A HOUSEWIFE?"

"HOUSEWIFE? AFTER ALL I DO FOR YOU GUYS, YOU CALL ME A HOUSEWIFE?" He paused. "FINE THEN, I'LL STOP TAKING CARE OF YOU AND GOKU, SANZO!"

"Fine," Sanzo said, with a huff, picking up the little boy.

"Fine," reiterated Hakkai, as he helped a smiling Gojyo to his feet.

"But you still want to take care of Gojyo?" asked Sanzo.

He stopped when he saw the look in Hakkai's eyes. He didn't really want another Cho Gonou on his hands.

That night, Goku and Gojyo slept off the maurijauna. In the morning, Sanzo reamed them out. Hakkai jumped in to protect Goku. It was Sanzo's fault after all.

"Whoa! Sanzo! You should take that stuff, Sanzo!" Goku said, in the middle of a VERY nasty argument between the four older men. "It'd help you to get more calmed down and stuff."

All three men turned and yelled at Goku.

Then, for several hours, they all sulked.

"Well, let's go in search of more transportation," Sanzo said. "There's no way we're taking a bus instead. Goku is too innocent – I don't want him to hurt himself by doing stupid stuff like that again."

"What about me?" asked Gojyo miffed.

"You're not innocent!" yelled Sanzo.

Hakkai picked up his stuff and left the room. Goku trailed after him.

When they met outside, they were silent as they considered their next option.


	6. Option Four: Training Wheels

I do not Saiyuki. It belongs to some other lucky lady. If it did belong to me I would be keeping it more in line with the manga. :-D!

**Please review! Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top!**

**Kakashidiot.

* * *

**

Bicycles

"We could ride on bicycles," Goku suggested, picturing the Sanzo-ikkou on bikes.

"I'd have a gold one, Sanzo, a purple one, Gojyo, a red one and Hakkai, a green one!"

"What's with the color motif?" asked Gojyo.

"There's no way in hell I'll ride a bike," Sanzo stated firmly.

"Well, I thought that all good stories like ours have symbology and these colors are the set symbols for us –"

"Goku? Are you okay?" Hakkai asked worried.

"No, I'm fine."

"He sounds dumb! Symbols, my ass! What a baka!"

Gojyo laughed.

"What? Bikes always look better when they match your eyes, right?" Goku said.

Hakkai, Gojyo and Sanzo laughed. They laughed so hard, they started crying.

Sanzo stopped. "Goku, there's no way – no way I in hell – I'm riding a bike."

"Not to mention, Sanzo Houshi sama would need to ride a girl's bike." Gojyo smirked. "That way no one'll be able to see up his robes – ahahahahahah!"

He stopped suddenly at the sound of Sanzo's safety catch click.

"You want to die young?" Sanzo asked.

"GUYS!" Hakkai said. "Look at Jiipu! He's behaving funny again!

The three others stopped and watched the dragon strut his stuff – pacing back and forth, flapping his wings, cocking his head, posing and kyuu-ing like crazy.

"That's the third time now," Hakkai said puzzled. "Do you think he's sick, Sanzo?"

"Dragons are a mystery," Gojyo said.

"Do I look like a Dragon master to you?" asked Sanzo.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say it looks like a mating dance," Gojyo said. "Do dragons go into heat?"

"I don't know," Hakkai said. "As soon as we get home, I'll check it out. Meanwhile, what's our next option?"

"Where's that noisy saru gone to?" asked Sanzo.


	7. Option Five: The Second Hindenburg

I do not Saiyuki. It belongs to some other lucky lady. If it did belong to me I would be keeping it more in line with the manga. :-D!

**

* * *

Balloon**

"Hey!" Goku yelled.

"Goku? Where are you?" called Hakkai, nervously.

The Sanzo-ikkou, turning a corner, walked onto the town's main road, which apparently, was filled with townsfolk enjoying a festival. Stalls of food, games, drinks, crafts, toys and merchandise were squished side by side. Scanning the packs of people, the Sanzo-ikkou tried to find Goku.

"Over here!" yelled Goku.

"BAKASARU!" bellowed Sanzo.

"Sanzo!" Hakkai gasped as he caught sight of Goku clambering into the basket of a hot air ballon. "Goku! What're you doing?"

"Bakasaru! Get outta there!"

"C'mon Sanzo!" yelled Goku. "This could get us to Gyumaoh!"

"What the HELL!" Sanzo spluttered. "It isn't ours! Get out!"

Goku stuck his tongue out.

"That's it! You're dead!" Sanzo roared.

"I'm going to beat the crap outta your rod!" Gojyo said. "You're frickin' embarrassing me before the ladies!"

"Damn the ladies," Hakkai said, gritting his teeth.

"WHAT did you say?" asked Gojyo surprised at Hakkai's vehement tone.

"Nothing, nothing!" Hakkai smiled sweetly, he picked up Jiipu and turned to another stall close by.

After a moment, he came back. The fight was still going strong.

"We'd best mediate before Goku gets himself annihilated, I guess," he sighed.

Clambering into the basket, he just missed a satchel that went flying out, hitting Gojyo on the head.

"THAT'S IT, DAMN MONKEY!" screamed Gojyo. "You're going down!"

He swung all the luggage at Goku.

"Damn baka!"

"Perverted kappa!"

"URUSAI!" yelled Sanzo, who was trying to crawl out from under the luggage.

"Now, Gojyo! Now Goku! Let's –" The two combatants ignored the green-eyed youkai's pleas.

"Baka!"

"Pervert!"

"Asshole!"

"Dumb ass!"

"Dimwits! This isn't a fieldtrip, dammit!"

"Fuck you!"

Hakkai looked up suddenly and then down.

"Guuuyyyyyssss!" He yelled.

They were too busy pummeling each other at the bottom of the basket to notice their predicament.

"Guys!" Hakkai yelled at the top of his lungs at the arguing trio. "Hey! Gojyo! Goku! Sanzo! We're afloat!"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Sanzo said, suddenly, heeding his friend.

"WEREN'T YOU WATCHING THE DAMN ROPES? HOW THE –"

"HOW THE HELL DID WE GET UP HERE?" yelled Gojyo, as they quickly rose and drifted westward over the town.

"Watch your fricking language, damn baka!" corrected Sanzo.

"Heeeyyyy! Who's that young woman waving up at us?" Hakkai asked.

"Dunno – but I WANT to get to know her better!" Gojyo leered. "Stop this balloon at once!"

Gojyo balanced himself at the edge of the basket.

"Nonsense!" Hakkai said, quickly. "We're going west, I'm NOT stopping for some temporary sexual pleasure!"

"Hakkai, you need an attitude adjustment or something," Sanzo muttered. "Are you crazy? Don't you realize what has happened?"

"What's happened? Sanzo? What's wrong? This is fun!" Goku said.

"WE"RE RIDING IN SOMETHING THAT WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO STEER!" Sanzo screamed. "THERE"S NO FRICKING WAY I'M SPENDING THE WHOLE TRIP WITH YOU GUYS COOPED UP IN THIS BASKET."

"Yeah, we'd all end up as basket cases, hehehehe!" Hakkai giggled.

Sanzo glared.

"WHY THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING TO US?" he yelled.

* * *

UP THERE

"Kaaannon Sammmaaaa!" Jirochin screamed, almost in a faint. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Geez, Jirochin! What's wrong with having a little bit of fun?" asked the bored Bosatsu, now highly entertained.

"What if they get killed?"

"Pshaw. Ever heard of reincarnation?"

"But what if they get killed?"

"I'm hearing a broken record here….."

"Well?"

"Sheesh, they better not get killed. I've got 600 hundred gold pieces on them surviving the mountain range."

"What mountain range?"

"That mountain range."

"WHAT THE HELL!"

* * *

Hakkai raised his eyebrow at him.

"A woman got us into this trouble – there' s no way in hell I'm allowing you guys to go back – especially Gojyo, so that he can mess around with her."

Sanzo sighed and then nodded in agreement.

Hakkai busied himself with the balloon's controls, thinking furiously about the properties of hydrogen, heat and atmospheric pressure.

Gojyo was spluttering. "Kill joy! Dammit baldy! I haven't had a lay for ages!"

Goku was sitting on the basket floor, quite still, tearing up.

"Saaaaannnnnzoooo! I'm sooooo hungry! I can't remember the last time I had a meat bun!"

With a smile, Hakkai bent down and pulled out three meat buns.

"Here," he said. "Eat up!"

"Yay! Thanks, Hakkai!" Goku said and started to munch.

Sanzo and Gojyo blinked.

"Well," Hakkai said defensively. "SOMEBODY'S got to think of these things!"

* * *

NEXT DAY

"Maaan! I'm so tired of being cooped up in here!" Complained Gojyo. "I haven't had a good game of cards, I haven't been with a chick for AGES, I haven't had a good smoke for I don't know how long –"

"Shouldn't smoke so much at a time," mumbled Hakkai.

Gojyo ignored him.

"AND I can't go to the bathroom."

Goku's snores filled the basket.

Gojyo pulled out a permanent marker and started to draw dicks on the soles of the kid's feet.

"Gojyo…." Hakkai said in a warning tone.

"Baka!" Sanzo said. "You'll get killed for that – and I won't be protecting you either!"

He sighed and pulled out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"Uh…. Um…. Sanzo…." Hakkai said, uneasily.

"What NOW?" asked Sanzo, huffily. "Don't tell me that I can't smoke."

"Ummmmm….. well….. it's standard procedure in a hot air balloon. This balloon is constructed of very fine silk and nylon holding in a lot of hydrogen…." Hakkai said in his teacher's voice.

Sanzo and Gojyo just stared at him.

"If any of your hot ashes or cigarette butts were to blow up and hit the balloon…" he explained and then shrugged. "You get the picture….."

"No," said Sanzo dangerously. "We don't."

"Haven't you ever heard of the Hindenburg?" asked Hakkai incredulously.

"Sounds German…." Sanzo said.

"It exploded. With a whole ton of people on it and a bunch died and those who miraculously survived the approximately 60 foot fall had severe burns and broken bones….."

"I'm going to believe this?" Sanzo asked skeptically.

"It's true…. I forget when it exactly happened….."

"Uh-huh. What a shitty argument, Hakkai. Procedures, my ass!" Sanzo said.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Sanzo?" yelled Hakkai. "Stop that this instant!"

Goku woke up.

"Oh yeah! Make me, momma boy!"

"You are going to die for that, asshole! Penitence or not!" Hakkai was becoming dangerously calm.

"Baka!"

"Don't call me a baka, dumb ass!"

"Watch your language, damn homo!"

"You watch yours, fucking hyprocrite!"

"Now, now," Gojyo said, trying to imagine what Hakkai would do in a situation like this.

Hakuryu cheeped indignantly at Sanzo and then, leaning forward, bit him on the butt.

"Ack!" yelped Sanzo. "What the fuck?"

"Hehehehe! Good one, Hakuryu!" Hakkai congratulated his loyal dragon.

"Ummmm…. Guys!" Goku said, standing stiff as a board in fright as he looked westward.

"Uhhhhhh….. Guys!" Gojyo said, standing stiff as a board in fright as he looked in the direction they were going.

"If it wasn't for you –"

"Oh yeah! Well it wasn't me who –"

"Right! Like I'll ever believe –"

"Then you can shove it up your ass –"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Goku and Gojyo screamed at the top of their lungs.

"URUSAI!"

Hakkai and Sanzo turned and snapped at them.

And then froze.

* * *

For the balloon had foundered with a mighty wind into the mountain range.

"Rocks ahead!" Goku yelled.

"I thought this was only a problem for ships!" Gojyo wailed.

"Not again!" Goku yelled.

"We're going to diiiiieeee!" Gojyo wailed.

"WHATTHE FUCK!" screamed Goku.

"Watch your language, damn saru!" yelled Sanzo.

"Aaaaa….. Hakuryu! Hang on!" Hakkai yelled.

* * *

For half an hour the whimsical wind blew them from one rocky corner to another – until a plain stretched before them within sight, between two extremely large peaks. Then with a mighty roar it crashed the balloon into the snowy upper extremes of the mountain and let it roll down the side until it was stopped by the line of scraggly trees.

* * *

UP THERE

"Waaaiiiiit!" Kanzeon said. "They aren't dead yet…."

Her fellow Bosatsu sat back with a sigh, letting his hand slide off the huge pile of money.

The surrounding kami watched tensely.

"They can't have survived that!"

"We'll see….."

* * *

Goku crawled out.

"Man, that was way too dangerous. Let's not do that again, Sanzo."

"No, I REALLY want to be scared shitless AGAIN." Sanzo growled as he dug himself out of the snow.

"You do?" asked Goku.

"Hell no! Bakasaru!"

"But –"

"Sarcasm, animal, sarcasm! Learn it!" Sanzo paused. "Where're the others?"

Gojyo sat up, groggily.

"Ugh! All that rolling made me dizzy! Ummmm….. Hakkai? What're you doing?"

Hakkai lay prone beneath him, looking ecstatic.

"Uh… nothing, Gojyo. Just softening your fall, so you don't get hurt or anything."

_

* * *

He CLUNG to me! O joy! I may never recover from this!_

* * *

"Well," said Sanzo, looking around. "If we climb across to that lower ridge over there, we'll be able to get down to the plain below that we saw on the other side."

"Right." Gojyo said.

"But Saaaaannnnnnzzzzzzzooooo! I'm huuuuuuungrrryy!" Goku whined.

Hakkai sighed and gave him the last of the meat buns.

"How're we going to go west?" asked Goku, looking at Gojyo, wickedly.

"What are our next options, Sanzo?" asked Gojyo in turn.

Sanzo looked at Hakkai with a raised eyebrow.

Hakkai looked thoughtful as Hakuryu flapped up and down on his shoulder.

"Pick me! Pick me!" the white dragon cheeped.

"Hakkaiiiii!" Goku said. "Jeep is acting strange again!"


	8. Option Six: SHOTGUN!

I do not Saiyuki. It belongs to some other lucky lady. If it did belong to me I would be keeping it more in line with the manga. :-D!

**

* * *

Automobile**

"Car?" The three asked, dumbfounded.

"Uh-huh."

"Jiipu will drive us ALL the way there?" asked Gojyo incredulously.

Hakuryu cheeped indignantly.

"Well," said Hakkai huffily. "What do YOU suggest?"

There was a silence.

"Plane?" asked Hakkai.

"Damn hijackers." Sanzo grunted.

"Train?" asked Hakkai.

"Beds are too small to do anything in." Gojyo sighed.

"Boat?" asked Hakkai.

"Damn pirates," Goku frowned.

"Bicycles are out." Hakkai said. "And there's no way in hell, I'm going back up the mountain to fix the balloon. And as for bus –"

"No." Sanzo said, emphatically.

"No, no," Gojyo agreed, heartily.

"No, no, no!" Goku shook his head.

"That's out so car it is," Hakkai said, gently.

"Hn." Sanzo peered at his gun.

"So….."

"Yeeeah."

"Ummm…."

They all looked at Sanzo.

"Jeep it is then." Sanzo said.

* * *

"Shotgun! Shotgun! I'm sitting in the front!" yelled Goku, jumping into the Jeep's passenger seat.

"What the HELL, bakasaru! What do you think you're doing?" yelled Gojyo.

"I'm sitting up front," said Goku.

"No way! Why should you be up there?"

"'Cause…. 'Cause…."

"I'm waiting – let's hear the answer bakasaru."

"I'm not going to sit near you and get second hand smoke!"

* * *

Meanwhile….

"Ch. I should've guessed this would be it, Hakkai."

"Well, Sanzo, Hakuryu DOES have to work for his keep…."

"You don't forget a thing, do you, bastard?"

"Now, Sanzo. Watch your language. You're setting a bad example for Goku!"

"Shut up."

"Well, it'll be cheaper than boat, train or plane."

"They say gas prices are going up."

"Perhaps…."

"Oh yeah! Well, I don't want to sit in the back with a prissy boy – who knows what will happen to me then? GET OFF!" The kappa tried to pull Goku away, but the monkey kid wasn't letting go.

"Asshole!"

"Son of a bitch!"

"Perverted kappa!"

"Bakasaru!"

"Let it go!"

"Lemme go!"

"I'm going to sit there!"

"It's mine! It's mine! Mine, mine all mine!"

"URUSAI!" yelled Sanzo and beat off the two contenders with his fan.

Then with great aplomb, he sat down in the passenger seat.

"As Sanzo, I get the best seat."

"Then, why don't you drive?" asked Gojyo. "Or can't you lift a finger to work?"

Sanzo clicked his gun. Gojyo got into the driver's seat.

"Excuse me," said Hakkai, with a fake smile but determined glare. "I'm driving."

Gojyo looked at the gun, he looked at the glare. With a sigh, he disappeared into the back with Goku.

* * *

Hakuryu cheeped happily.

Hakkai smiled.

Sanzo sat back and lit a cigarette.

Gojyo pulled out a beer.

Goku looked at the clouds, wondering when they would next reach a town.

They were finally on their way.

As they drove into the sunset, if you really listened hard you could hear what would be a normality for the rest of their journey.

"Bakasaru!"

"Perverted kappa!"

"Oh yeah –"

"Hell yeah!"

"URUSAI!"

(BANG BANG)

"Now, now….."

"Kyuu!"


End file.
